Monday, July 7, 2008


I’m too bloated to worry about having cool shoes.
No one gives a fuck what your kicks look like if you have a gut.
I don’t know if anyone cares that I have a gut either, but I’m certain about the shoes.
It’s comfortable, having one less part of myself to properly accessorize.
I don’t wear a watch ever since I got a cell phone,
And I couldn’t care less about my underwear since only one or two people ever see them.
They way I figure it, if you want to take my pants off, there isn’t any fashion
Faux-pas that’s going to ruin my chances. You’ve already made the big commitment.
As for a belt, if you’re undoing the thing it’s most likely dark, and you’re probably drunk,
So we can negate any significance there too.
Pants have never been much of a problem since the more I wear them out
The more in style they seem to be. Toss in a sixty cent thrift store t that says
Something fairly stupid or has the name of a kid’s baseball team on it and I’m just about
Home free.

My family has long ago accepted that I’m a “quirky dresser”. I got them off
My back early in high school by showing up to Easter with green and purple hair.
Hair is another one that only gets easier, so long as you’re a guy.
I’ve seen countless males (?) who’ve spent countless hours getting their
Head to appear is if they just rolled off the pillow and hadn’t showered.
That’s easy. Just roll out of bed and don’t shower.
Ok, scratch that, shower, but don’t ever style your hair.
Just let it dry where it will and you’ll be accepted in most social circles.

The only place I ever seem to have problems is at work, and with socks.
What tyrant deemed white socks an inappropriate match
For dress slacks and shoes? Whenever questioned by a superior about my footwear I just insist it’s
A statement about baseball
Or bring up Michael Jackson.
Note: This is the only time that comparing yourself to Michael Jackson
Will get you off the hook for anything, let alone make people smile.
Poor Jacko.

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